The
Bendigo Writers Festival took place over the weekend beginning the twelfth of
August; as such, crowds of strangers filed into undersized halls to see some of
their favourite authors speak on topics such as young adult literature, social
justice and philosophy. During the festival many behaviours were observed that
would be considered do's and do not's for interacting with people at festivals.
I proudly present to you the detailed guide on how to alienate strangers and
make authors want to punch you.
SUREFIRE
WAYS TO ALIENATE STRANGERS
- You find yourself in line before an event, surrounded by people you don't know, a precocious situation at the best of times. You fumble around in your pockets and it dawns on you, that empty feeling of dread, the type of dread that can only be associated with losing your headphones. You begin to panic and your logical brain kicks in; 'you have immaculate taste in music' it tells you, 'everyone should here your music, that way everyone can appreciate the perfection that is your musical taste.' So you listen to your logical brain and begin to play your music out of your tinny phone speaker, when no-one compliments you on your taste in music, you decide that people just can't hear it well enough and turn it to full volume. Strangers now are giving you stares that you convey as envy, you feel proud of yourself and continue to play your music from your tinny phone speakers until the event begins. Congratulations, aside from giving everyone in line a headache from the scratchy noise that doesn't resemble music coming from your phone, you've also made a bunch of strangers hate you. Effectiveness in alienating strangers: 9/10
- You are in line before a musical theatre event minding your own business eavesdropping on a private conversation between two young adults enthusiastically discussing musical theatre. One of the young adults is using the word 'like' as a filler, you turn to this young adult, interrupting their private conversation to tell them in an aggressive tone that 'You're very sorry, but hearing the word like makes your ears bleed.' As the young adult looks shocked and offending and begins quietly talking to their friend you feel proud of yourself for interrupting a private conversation that you weren't supposed to be listening too and offending a young person speaking passionately about their interest. Effectiveness in alienating strangers: 8/10
- You are sitting in a session being broadcast via live stream; this is a private session that people have had to pay extra money to attend. You are bored, you feel that the host is both a bad person and a boring person; as such you decide that it is a good idea to yell at the screen offensive terms about the persons heritage, their ideals and their morals. Because of your yelling the people in the theatre with you cannot hear what the man in the live stream is trying to say. Effectiveness in alienating strangers: 10/10
Surefire
Ways to Make Authors Want to Punch You
- You are in line to see an author who has taken time out of their day to sign books for their fans; whilst you are out of earshot of the author you begin to make passive aggressive statements about the authors talents as an author; describing them as a 'hack' or referring to them as a 'sell out'. Although you believe you are out of earshot the author can hear you and takes great offense to your statements. You later complain about how you didn't get a personalized signature, even though a friend you are with did. Effectiveness in making authors want to punch you: 9/10
- You are in a seminar on social justice in which minorities are being represented; during question time you ask a question that you believe to be appropriate even though it is exceptionally racist, the rest of the room holds their breath and the author takes a second to stare at you before not answering your question. You complain very loudly about how the author won't answer your question describing them using incredibly offensive racial slurs. You then leave the room. Effectiveness in making authors (and strangers) want to punch you: 10/10
- You are in a seminar with an extremely popular female author; an audience member asks a question in regards to the difficulty of being a female author in a male-dominated industry, the author responds intellingently in great detail about the difficulties of being taken seriously and being seen as more than just a sex-symbol or being judged for the way they look and dress. You immediately ask a question about how the author looks when they're out in the bush and not sitting on a stage. The author looks at you in disbelief and you feel very proud of yourself as they answer begrudgingly. Effectiveness in making authors want to punch you: 10/10
Some tips
on how NOT to alienate strangers and make authors want to punch you
- When you are in line before an event be respectful of the people around you, do not be loud and obnoxious, do not play music if you do not have headphones. If you have forgotten your headphones for the day, suck it up, and write yourself a note so you don't forget for the next day.
- If eavesdropping on a strangers conversation do not interrupt them to insult the way they speak; this goes doubly for if the conversation is private. If you take offense to something that a person has said and feel the need to say something to them be courteous and passive in your speech. Because if you interrupt a private conversation to interject your opinion on something harmless you are the bad guy.
- If you are bored in a session, be courteous and do not ruin the experience for people around you, if it is too hard for you to stay quiet then graciously leave the session.
- If you have an issue with a decision that an author has made in their writing, do not passive-aggressively call them names and insult them as people, instead speak to them about the issue you had with a decision they made. If you have a legitimate complaint that is reasoned authors will appreciate your dedication to their writing and take your criticism on board.
- On a similar note do not use personal insults and strongly offensive terms on social media; Sean Williams and Isabelle Carmody both discussed at length how they read their twitter feeds, whilst telling an author to kill themselves over social media may seem like a good idea at the time these authors pour their heart and souls into their books and using incredibly offensive statements in regards to the author personally effects the author the same way that you would be effected if someone were to say those things to you.
- Before asking a question in a seminar make sure you think your question through, ask yourself whether your question is appropriate, double check to make sure that you aren't asking anything offensive and question whether the public forum is the best venue for your question. If your question fails any of these criteria, DO NOT ASK IT. There are plenty of other people who want to ask legitimate questions, aside from aggravating the author you are also aggravating those people.
- Be respectful of volunteers, without them the festival doesn't run.
- Appreciate the authors, they don't have to come.
- Be respectful to the others around you, they're hear because they want to have a good time as well.
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